Grief & Loss

Grief and Loss

The epitome of grief is the loss of a loved one – it could be a person you see every day, or a person who’s had a significant influence in your life, even if you don’t see them often. The loss may be sudden or expected – a shock either way. If you were carer of that person suddenly your role has changed, your life changes –

There are many layers of loss and a significant layer is about change – Kubler Ross (1969) developed a model that was from her experience in helping people who were dying themselves – but it became clear that a similar process occurs if you are the one facing losing someone else, or something else.

The process from the period of shock and denial, to sensations of anger, to feelings of depression and detachment, and then as the person struggles to find meaning for what has happened a period of dialogue and bargaining towards an understanding about this part of their life that has changed.

It has been understood that these stages would not necessarily follow on in order, but the grieving person may float between them for a while, a developmental process that will differ for different people.

Interestingly this model has been useful for understanding many kinds of loss and change in peoples lives – losing a job, your home, your identity …….. periods of time when we have had to adjust to something different than what we were expecting.

Expectations about our situations and ourselves can drive us to meet out goals yet sometimes some things outside of our control can change an outcome, a change that we find perhaps uncomfortable, or in some cases seemingly unbearable.

Breath in – slowly, gently, deeply – breath out,

It sounds like a cliché, change is inevitable – change is a process and knowing that it is a process that moves – must allow that something new will present as the new comfortable, even if it takes some time, even if you don’t recognize it at first.

My considered thoughts: Di Clough, Christobel Counselling

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