2021 a new year

After the year it has been with Covid-19 everyone is looking towards the new year in the hope it will be better. There has been loss and grief, instability, insecurity and worry as well as many changes in peoples lives. Perhaps you began the New Year with positive thoughts for a solution or at the very least, positive steps for managing the virus that has been threatening us all.
Its no secret that we don’t actually have control over everything in the universe however it is reasonable to assume that actions that you take as an individual can have a huge impact on how your day goes and it also can affect those around you. Day by day you can impact on your whole year.

Lets start with today. When you woke this morning what was the first thing you noticed about the day? How did that feel? Ask your self “Is there something I could change about that moment of waking up for the day?”
How we wake up can influence how the day goes ….. it doesn’t have to, if it starts a bit rough, try not to allow the day to be totally affected.
Moment by moment we can change how we feel – influenced a great deal on how we are thinking – stop for a moment and check your thoughts and how that is impacting on how you are feeling.
Feelings offer us feedback – they are telling us something – reflect a little on what that feeling is and where it is coming from.
If the feeling is ‘dull’ and the thought is that ‘its another crappy day’ then if that’s what your thinking that’s quite likely what it will be – it will be a surprise if something good happens. You might say “well if I expect the worst then if something good happens I feel good”.
Reflect on what would make it good – take action – make it happen.
To do this we have to let go of some previous thinking …. based on previous experiences, previous events – if you keep doing the same thing then the outcome will be the same – to change something we have to do something different
‘If only’……this pattern of thinking assumes that what is happening now is not working and that something else needs to happen for it to be different, except it may have a shadow of that ‘something else’ is being controlled by someone else. What parts can you influence?
What can you do to influence the outcome you want?
While our brain does respond well to repetitive behaviour, mainly because it has done it before and knows what to do, but it does actually notice when something is different and is stimulated by that.
Are there some behaviours that have become commonplace in our lives but don’t actually enhance it – or maybe it does for a while but then it becomes habit, but lost its use.
What repeated behaviour do you need to get rid of ?
Where you put your attention is where your brain is committed so just take a moment to consider where you are focusing and for how long? Evaluate the quality of what you are giving attention to. Is it positive, does it produce positive thoughts, does it have a positive outcome.
Positive thoughts influence positive feelings and produce positive actions. It’s an attraction – a positive attraction.
If you are you struggling to find the positive and would like some help with clarification of possible goals – to change what is happening now and a plan for the future consider a couple of counselling sessions –
Counselling is aimed at creating sustained change that enhances your relationships or your situation. Individuals, couples and families can benefit from discussing some of those topics that are avoided in the every day.

There is an opportunity to enhance your skills, improve your capacity to go forward in the way you want to – the future can have a different outlook.

A counselor may be able to assist you to recognise a wider range of possibilities, help you identify the most important issues, and develop strategies to empower you to develop the strength to move forward in a direction that seems to fit. This would be without judgment and no bias toward a particular destination.

Call or text Di on 0414728884 and book your first session

Cooling the Anger

Anger is an emotion – its normal to feel angry sometimes. It is an expression of how we are feeling, usually as a result of an event. It can range from annoyance to intense rage.

Anger can be a result of other emotions -: frustration, disappointment, shame, anxiety, sadness, embarrassment, jealousy, hurt ……

When does anger become a problem? – when it is expressed in harmful ways towards ourselves, or others, and/or if it persists for a period of time. Anger may also be related to other issues for example use of drugs or alcohol and these situations have to be managed as well. Anger can be a result of poor communication and certainly doesn’t help us communicate in an effective way.

A common result of intense anger is yelling, criticizing, throwing things, lashing out physically, storming out – sometimes it comes out as ignoring, withdrawing, stonewalling or crying.

Essentially it is the emotional part of your brain (amygdala, hyper-thalamus) overwhelming the logical problem solving part of your brain (cerebral cortex), which results in a emotional response rather than a logical one.

Anger can lead to violence and abuse, which has the effect of using anger to control a situation or a person. This controlling aspect to anger can cause fear in others and sometimes even in our selves.

You may be well aware that anger is a problem for you, or not recognise it until when someone tells you it is. Even then, you may disregard that or not be able to recogognise it. Or you might even feel that you have to get angry to get what you want.

You may be getting angry at work and/or at home, with those closest to you but once you have recognized it then you can start to examine the powerful emotion for what it is, and what behind it and remind yourself or even learn for the first time, a different way of getting what you need.

If you are reading this then you have begun – that’s a good start. Call and let me help you with this and change your responses – Di Clough 0414728884